Useless Planks United
Colchester FC were founded on the 9th of October 2009, in Season 17. They currently play in Division 5, and have high ambitions for the future. History Colchester FC (Previously FC Colchester Dinamos) were founded after club chairman and 100% owner, Mr Imanidiot, pulled out of full financial backing of Division 5 club, Colchester FC. Colchester FC subsequently went bankrupt, and the new club was formed soon after, with the most of the loyal fans joining the fanbase of the most popular Essex based club. The club started life in Division 7, which is a massive difference to the Division 5 quality that the fans expected, with plenty of physical football. The club soon made it to Division 6, only losing 1 game all season, and included a 4-0 win on the last day of the season with the youngsters. The team then gained promotion to Division 5 with another stunning season. They finished top of the table, scoring plenty and conceeding few. Everyone thought that Division 5 would be relatively easy to remain in. Those predictions were proven to be incorrect, as FC Colchester Dinamos were relegated in their first attempt at Division 5. Defensively, they were very good, but attacking wise they were terrible. During the following season, Jac El Doomio was removed from his post after a disappointing start to Division 6 life. Sir Jack was installed as new manager, and Colchester FC gained promotion back to Division 5 as champions of 6.136. Again, they conceeded few, mainly down to Youssef El Mrini. They also scored significantly more goals. The season also saw debuts Talal Al Idrissi, Alton Derbyshire, Lino Leão and Ben Wilkins. Luis Landin was named 6.136's Player of the Season, and Danilo Viera was named the U21 Player of the Season. The Club The club fanbase is lovingly known as the The Calchy Worshippers, in recognition of the fans massive ability to create an intimidating and inspiring atmosphere. These fans are considered the most loyal and dedicated supporters in football, and on matchdays, inside the stadium, there have been signs that say "Calchy > Kids > Wife". The fans are also known to be some of the best behaved in the world of English football, with no ticket buyers or season ticket holders being put in the dock for racist chanting, violent conduct, drunk and disorderly etc. The current stadium has a capacity of 12000, but with promotions, the board hope to expand this whenever needed. The current facilities are very basic, but the club has stated that the development of local youth talent and the improvement of training facilities is of the utmost importance. They also state that top of the range Sprinklers and special Pitch Covers are used by the groundsmen. The club's fanbase, managerial team and board are a highly ambitious bunch, always aiming for promotion every season. The club's board and managerial team are strong believers in the development of young talent, and the training of said talent. So far, though, there has been no worthwhile talent from the Colchester youth academy. The Players Goalkeepers Outfielders The manager The first manager of the side was Aidy Boothroyd. He was incharge for several weeks, until FITA forced the club to remove him from his post for his infamous "FITA are communists" speech. A string of unsuccessful caretaker managers followed, until finally a man was found for the job on a permanent basis. Jac El Doomio took over. He was young, inexperienced, but had a great bite for the game after a successful spell in playing football professionally. He still plays for a Welsh Sunday League side, and is still an impressive player. Jac El Doomio had a brilliant first two seasons in charge, winning back to back promotions. Then a disaster season struck, the team's first in Division 5. El Doomio was critized for poor transfers, and spending money on facilities the club could not afford. To top off this awful season, El Doomio's side was relegated. The team's first season back in Division 6 had an indifferent start, and this lead to El Doomio's removal from his post. As soon as El Doomio was sacked, a new manager was found, along with a complete team overhaul. Sir Jack was hired, Colchester FC returned, and the fans weirdly started calling themselves the "Calchy Worshippers". Sir Jack denies to this day he is the leader of a Demonic Cult, and states that he has not brainwashed the fans and players. Outsiders remain highly suspicious of Sir Jack, real name Badhorn Hookbeak, whose family were outspoken Pagans. Category:English Football Clubs Category:Football Clubs